The Art of Seduction
by XxFearTheFluffxX
Summary: It's another uneventful day in Hueco Mundo for Grimmjow. That is until he accidentally hears Lord Aizen hard at work seducing someone in the privacy of his chambers... There are some things a subordinate should NOT have to hear! Oneshot


Hueco Mundo was so _boring_! It was all grey and dead and _nothing_ ever happened that was worth remembering. That was all fine and well when you were a hollow; the only thing you bothered about was where your next meal was coming from. But when you were an Arrancar it was _unbearable_! There was no point in _fighting_ for entertainment because the only ones who could provide a challenge were the other Arrancar and Aizen forbade them from killing each other without good cause.

And the pinnacle of monotony in this world of many greys was the white castle of Aizen – Las Noches, land of the dull and home of the thick. It was _worse_ than whatever was out there. At least out there they had choices. In Las Noches you were stuck with a bunch of other Arrancar that, mostly, you didn't even like. In Las Noches the only things you had to interrupt your day were meetings which often proved to be more trouble than they were worth.

Sure, for some Arrancar the tedium was alright. That lazy ass of an Espada, Stark, for example – he needn't worry about boredom because he was hardly ever awake to enjoy it! Or that ice sculpture, Ulquiorra – _he _was quite a boring person anyway so he was right at home in a place as drawl as Hueco Mundo. But Grimmjow was blessed with a bit more life than those two. He needed to be _doing_ something.

Sometimes he played pranks on the other Espada, just to stir things up a bit. Like the other day, when he hung a whole load of spoons from the ceiling in Nnoitra's room. Poor Tesla had gotten it in the ear for that one, not that Grimmjow gave a damn. Or last week when he stole Ulquiorra's shoes – what a day that had been! Nothing funnier than watching someone as uptight as Ulquiorra wandering around without shoes. And there's _nothing_ more exciting that running from him when he discovers _you're_ the one who has them.

But today, Grimmjow just didn't feel up to his usual tricks. There were at least three Espada who had vowed to kill him if he tried it again and unfortunately they were all higher ranked than he was, making their success a high probability. So he settled for a leisurely walk around the castle. And by leisurely walk he meant crappy wander as the phrase 'leisurely walk' suggested there was something about the stroll to be enjoyed.

It was as he passed Lord Aizen's private chambers that he heard the single most disturbing thing he was likely to encounter in any dimension you care to mention. Normally he wouldn't have stopped because Aizen tried to discourage loitering around his rooms. Actually his exact words were '_anyone_ caught loafing around my rooms will pay with their lives' – so it wasn't really advisable as a pastime. But there are times in a man's life when the risk is worth the reward. Grimmjow was about to find out that _this_ was not one of those times.

"Come here you beautiful beast, you."

Grimmjow did a double take, not entirely sure if what he'd heard was accurate or just some twisted, misheard version of the truth. He sincerely hoped it was the latter. For sanity's sake if nothing else.

"Don't be shy. You're going to send me to heaven and back, gorgeous."

Needless to say Grimmjow was shocked. More than shocked; he was horrified. Aizen was an old man for goodness sake! The very idea of him... doing _that_... was disgusting. But as life had taught the Sexta Espada many times over, things were never quite as they appeared. Instead of being just an old man, Lord Aizen was a _seedy_ old man.

"You're so hot; I'm sure you'll scald my tongue. But I still _want_ you."

_Aww, not cool. That is _so _sick!_ the blue-haired Espada thought, repulsed. His stomach did a nauseating roll and he could feel the bile burning in his oesophagus. If Ulquiorra could hear his precious Lord Aizen now...

"That's right. I'm going to drink up all that wet goodness like a fish."

Like a fish?! Hmmm... His dirty talk needed work. Seriously; what was sexy about a fish? Then again, what was sexy about Aizen? Until now Grimmjow had been content in the knowledge that the only woman who would ever love that codger was his mother, who ever she'd been. Suddenly he gasped; _could it be that Aizen had a... a... a prostitute in there?!_

"Come on, my lovely. Let's get this show on the road."

_And THAT is where _I _draw the line!!!_ Grimmjow shuddered, using Sonido to get as far away as fast as he could. He didn't stop until he reached his own room at the far end of Las Noches but it was too late; the damage was done. He could run from the horror going on behind that door but the mental images would dog him till his dying day.

/\

"Ah, Lord Aizen, I really wish ya wouldn't do that. It's kinda creepy." Gin complained from the other side of the desk, watching as Aizen made what could only be described as ghastly facial expressions at the one true love of his life. This whole thing was way beyond an abnormally strong liking now... it was fast becoming a fetish, one that bordered on the criminally sordid.

"Do you have a problem with the way I do things, Gin?" Aizen asked in that phoney polite voice of his – the voice that had always made Gin think of a sleazy paedophile.

"No, no. It jus' gives me the willies is all." the lilac-haired ex-Captain assured.

"What's wrong with a man enjoying some nice, steaming hot tea? It's therapeutic, you know." Aizen informed, taking a generous sip from his favourite white tea cup. "Very good for the nerves. Just what an evil mastermind needs."

"Yeah. 'Cause I'm sure bein' head honcho is very taxin'" Gin agreed with an almost undetectable hint of sarcasm.

"Like you wouldn't believe."

/\

The next day at the daily meeting, Aizen noticed Grimmjow behaving a little strangely. The Sixth refused to look him in the eye and only spoke if absolutely necessary. It wasn't that he didn't enjoy the peace and quiet without Grimmjow's constant complaining but it _did_ make him a tad suspicious.

"Is something wrong, Grimmjow? You don't seem quite yourself today." he asked kindly at the end of the meeting. He didn't miss how Grimmjow's eyes flickered left and right in panic before he replied.

"No, Sir! Nothing." he insisted a little too strongly. Aizen narrowed his eyes infinitesimally but allowed the Arrancar to go unobstructed. After a while he shrugged; whatever it was, it wasn't important. Grimmjow could handle it himself.

**And again I have managed to come up with one of the most random plots known to man! LOL! This one came from a conversation with my dearest little sister. You see, I like tea very much and I was in a rather good mood at the time. I had a fresh cup of tea beside me and I simply said 'Come 'ere, my lovely' and my little sis turned round and called me a freak! When I asked why I was a freak she replied 'Cause you're sittin' there seducing a cup of tea!'. Since I was watching Bleach at the time it popped into my head just like that!**

**Anyway review if you enjoyed it or even if you didn't. I love reviews of all shapes and sizes! ^_^**


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